HELLO! (: WE LOVE KOKOKRUNCH :D
IT IS SOO MUCH BETTER THAN HONEY STARS
8:21 AM
KELLY seeya:)
I've been living with a shadow overheadI've been sleeping with a cloud above my bedI've been lonely for so longTrapped in the pastI just can't seem to move onI've been hiding all my hopes and dreams awayJust in case I ever need them again somedayI've been setting aside time to clear a little space in the corners of my mind All I wanna do is find a way back into loveI can't make through without a way back into love I've been watching but the stars refuse to shineI've been searching but I just don't see the signs I know that it's out thereThere's gotta be something for my soul somewhere I've been looking for someone to shed some lightNot somebody just to get me through the nightI could use some direction and I'm open to your suggestions All I wanna do is find a way back into loveI can't make it through without a way back into loveAnd if I open my heart again I guess I'm hoping that you'll be there for me in the end There are moments when I don't know if it's realOr if anybody feels the way I feelI need inspiration not just another negotiation All I want to do is find a way back into loveI can't make it through without a way back into loveAnd if I open my heart to youI'm hoping you'll show me what to doAnd if you'll help me to start againYou know that I'll be there for you in the end
9:38 AM
but anyways.pictures from nicole's steamboat partyyyy.
all of usss(:
eww.
i think you're weird.but I LOVE YOU<3
chelle,nic&yy
mirrrorrrrr.
group picc:D:D
i like this pictureee(:HELLO.
OKAYOKAY.
pics from the cross-country runn&family nightt.
iLEEs!
legss(:
yy,dani-la,aud&xt
chelle,yy&nic(:
ENDDD.
7:12 AM
hellomoto:)
6:03 AM
be strong ying.be strong.
8:28 AM
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6:16 PM
omg.cross country run todayyy!i am totally satisfied with the way i ran today!omgomg i'm so proud of myself.hahaha although i didn't run very fast or whatever,i completed the whole thing under 30 minutes la!omg.i was so shocked i wanted to kill myself.OHNO.dani-la told me not to be suicidal.HEH.omg i'm being so weird.heh anyways.HELLO(: I'LL GIVE YOU A HUG GRACEYYYY!I GAVE YOU SO MANY TODAY ALREADY ANYWAYS. i<3you.
6:51 AM
i dont like races.they make me feel nervous.makes my heart beat really fast.and they make me sad :(start the race with only 5 ppl in front of you.but end it in the 2589th position.i really wanted to give up and walk during the race.but i must always finish what i start,no matter what.i must train even harder.oh yeah and thank you all the olson house comm ppl who kept asking whether i was ok.thank you denise,jaime,miggy,nic,char,bushy,kitty.i really miss my mummy:(i wanted to come home and complain to her all bout my run but then i realised that she still gonna be in israel for a week.so so long.
8:35 PM
i decided i'll post.hellomoto:)this blog's been really dead.haha.anyways my mummy and daddy are in israel:(and i need a mummy so you can come give me a hug anytime.cos i miss them already:(cross country's tml.its nice to know the route,but when youre on a forced mcit sucks:( train so hard,fall sick,all wasted.i shall go to the playground now.i'll let you push me down the slide this time:)
4:52 AM
100TH POST.OMG.
anyways.it's gonnna be a long and wordy one.so if you can't be bothered to read it,then look for your name and see if it's there.if it's not,don't be a busybody.HEH.kidding yeah.anyways.here i go.
today wasn't exactly the worst day of my life, but it was the day that alot of hidden truths were revealed.my brother and i just sat down and had a serious talk with my mom.seems my dad wasn't really THAT innocent after all.family problems arise again and again.most of the time,i feel as if my mom is brainwashing me to hate my dad and vice-versa.and i guess you guys probably know that MY DAD WON.well,today when we were talking to my mom,i FINALLY heard the TRUE AND FULL story of what happened during those times.and now i'm just stuck in a state of confusion.not knowing what to believe and who to love.yeah i love both my parents.deep inside i know that.but it's hard for me to love them if they're both criminals to me.i'm being very open here.but whatever.
this was the first time i EVER saw my mom literally break down right in front of my face.i know she does cry.but NEVER in front of me.i don't know what i was thinking right at that moment,but it all seemed a blur to me.i was in a state of complete shock.i've never really been able to love my mom.it's hard especially when all she does is scream and shout at me.but i've realised after what she told me.how hard it must've been to have been a single parent of three children all her life.even when she was with my dad,it must've been hard suffering deep inside.i don't know how it feels.but i guess you could say it feels something like a jagged knife being stuck into your heart and never pulled out.frustration,stress all for what?to keep the family alive and well and give us a good education.somehow,no matter how close i was to my dad,he kinda seems like a total stranger to me now.a liar,a cheat,a bastard.you name it he is it.but how could i say such words to describe my very own father.
i was desperately trying to hold my tears back and be strong when mom was talking.and now i just can't hold it in anymore.i feel so cheated by who he pretended to be all my life.lying right straight in my face that he wanted the best for me.he spent all his money on me.like it was just fucking cruel.it wasn't even half true.but somehow,deep inside me,i feel so hurt.so bruised and broken.just as dramatic as the songs convey their feelings.i never thought the truth would hurt so bad.i seem like i'm not really making any sense right now,cause i kinda have no idea what i'm saying either,but if you get me,then good for you.
talking to my mom made me realised something else.FRIENDS ARE FOREVER.so here's what i gotta say in general.first.
i'm sorry i haven't been much of a friend to you guys lately and you know who you are.i haven't really been there for you guys and i'm really truely sorry.i've been so caught up with myself that i've neglected you guys.i've been studying so hard just trying to impress my parents but it seems like my efforts have gone down the drain cause of some reason.but that doesn't mean i'm not gonna stop.i'm gonna work even harder in fact,prove to them that i'm not the stupid one in the family.prove to them that i can get my diploma for violin.well but you know that I MISS YOU GUYS LIKE CRAZY RIGHT.and the real reason why i haven't really been hanging out with you guys is cause i don't wanna be distracted from my goals.but now that you guys are 'gone' in a sense.i feel like my life's empty,when i'm sad,there's noone to call,when i miss someone,i'm too afraid to call.when i'm bored,there's nothing to say.when i've got news,i don't know who to tell it to.in the end,i just keep it to myself.those all used to be the opposite not long ago and i'm afraid it's all my fault.and there's noone else i could possibly blame for that.
DANIELLA
thank you so much for always being there for me this year.i'm thanking you when the year has barely even started.but anyways.i just wanna thank you for always hearing me out,and always giving me my boob hugs when your boobs are already so flat.HEH.i'm not saying mine aren't.but there's just no amount of words that i could use to express my gratitude towards you.you were there for me ever since the year began when we didn't know anyone in class and you always sat next to me and walked with me wherever.and i still remember,we were already bored of each other on the third day of school.HAHA.but i seriously don't know what i would've done without you.and i'm sorry for the time that i irritated you terribly.MY BAD.i just hope that nothing will come between our friendship.thanks for all the wonderful times we had in church or the retarded times during geog and whatever else.THANKYOUUU<3.MICHELLE
i don't know what else to say but the biggest thank you EVER.michelle ong,you were there for me whenever i was down especially during the serene period.even though we aren't even the closest of friends anymore,you still always understand me best.we had our laughs,we had our tears,but through it all chelle,the scary times when i would call you crying my heart out,thankyou.life's never been so cool and you know what.i miss the times when we'd take retarded pictures at my house,i miss the times when you,me and xt would go swimming and take piggyback and jumping photos after ghost whisperer,i miss writing 'I'M SORRY MICHELLE' letters to you in sec1.&sec2.and i miss writing letters to you during flims lessons and writing crap and summarising all that we wanted to say in 5 points at the end of almost every letter.i miss you michelle and there's nothing you can do about it.<3MEGAN,SOPH,GRACE&JOAN
thanks you guys for always being there for me last year.whenever i was down.either one or all of you would never fail to cheer me up.no matter how,i could NEVER get angry with either one of you cause you guys were just such great great people.i'll never ever forget the memories we had in 2i.retarded faces with soph&occasionally meg.freaking grace out with my 'OOOOH GOOGLYBEARRRRR'stuff and joan just being emo joan.HAHA.although you guys would make fun of my fury eyebrows and S(imple)P(lan)(i think i made it rather obvious)every single day,without fail.i still love you guys to bits and pieces cause you guys mean the world to me.keep smiling<3
tann xin yan KELLY!i still remember your full name!i hope it's right!hahah anyways.friday night chats!although we haven't had a friday night chat for ten million gazillion years,i love talking to you on the phone and having oh-so-retarded topics.HAHA.i can't even imagine how they got so retarded.anyways kelly,thanks for being there for me whenever i called or texted.you'd FOREVER be there for me and i just wanna thank you for being such a GREAT friend.ohyeah.and i got you and larry together.hahahah.i feel proud.love him,love ME! <3XT&AUD
both of you retards!thanks for all the FABULOUS times we had during training and lunches before training where we would just talk about anything under the sun.it's true.what was holding us together really is tennis.now that i don't have the sam trainings as you guys,i somehow dont' seem to talking to both of you much nowadays.ahha except for geog lessons.haha and pe.HAHA.yeah anyway thanks for all the SUPER fun and retarded times that you guys brought into my life.aud,i'm sorry i'mi forever and ever insulting you and i promise i'll try no to insult you so much anymore cause of your bad bad habits.which i can't really even remember now.but yeah.and xt,two words for you,RETARD.hahaha.yeah i know that's one word.ooops heh.POWERPUFF GIRLS FOREVER!<333and not forgettingNICOLE NG SHANG FANGi owe you thousands and millions of apologies(sp?).i've never been so regretful in my life.i'm sorry that i wasn't there for you when you were down.i'm sorry that i had been the lousiest bestfriend anyone could ever have.i've known you since we were tiny little innocent girls in p2.when you hated me,i hated you.forever giving each other killer stares.and somehow,we magically became the BEST OF FRIENDS,with ql of course,in p3!and we've been best friends ever since and omg and i still have the little bestfriend keychains that we bought for each other!.i know we've drifted many many times.which isn't what people would consider the BEST OF FRIENDS.but deep in my heart,you know that you'll forever be my bestfriend and i love you many many now matter how mean or evil i can be towards you.and although i don't tell you all of my stuff cause i think you won't understand how i feel.i'm sorry.cause sometimes i justt need someone who's walking in the same shoes as me.and you know it's like me to keep everything to myself and one day just EXPLODE and let every single little thing out.but remember nicole ng shang fang!you will be my bestest friend forever and ever amen!so don't you ever fret to gimme a call or a text even though you're scared that i may not care.but i promise i will and you can share your every little cares in the whole wide world with me alright!I LOVE YOU NIC!(NY)SQUARE FOREVER!<333333333333 And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives Where we're gonna be when we turn 25 I keep thinking times will never change Keep on thinking things will always be the same But when we leave this year we won't be coming back No more hanging out cause we're on a different track And if you got something that you need to say You better say it right now cause you don't have another day Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down These memories are playing like a film without sound And I keep thinking of the night in June I didn't know much of love, but it came too soon And there was me and you, and then it got real blue Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and We would get so excited, we'd get so scared Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair And this is how it feels As we go on, we remember All the times we had together And as our lives change, Come whatever We will still be, friends forever So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money When we look back now, will that joke still be funny? Will we still remember everything we learned in school?Still be trying to break every single rule Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man? Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan? I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye Keep on thinking it's a time to fly And this is how it feels 
6:15 AM
